May 3, 2012

Faithful in the Little Things....

I was thinking this morning about the whole idea of being faithful in the little things.  I have been struggling a lot lately with a sense of listlessness and wondering what the heck is going on with my life.  Between this unpredictable health condition and my resulting joblessness, the days are sometimes long and filled with a nagging sense of purposelessness.  I don't understand the ways of God and this season of learning to rest and lean into Him.  Some days a re peaceful and yet I sometimes feel as though I am missing something, that somehow I missed the train that was supposed to take me to the right destination; the one where I know I'm on the right track and can joyfully enjoy the journey. No big projects to attend to, just learning about simple things like hearing God's voice in the little things.

Last week I wrote a song about missing a loved one - in particular, my mom, who passed away almost 26 years ago.  Although the song is inspired by this relationship, I believe it can apply to many situations including when a loved one has moved on or moved away.  I think the premise has more to do with living in hope of reunion, yet acknowledging the pain of the process, of missing someone who had such a deep place in your heart. I wasn't necessarily feeling the emotions of loss, but for some reason the lyrics just poured out like water.

So what does this have to do with being faithful in the little thing?  Well, like I said, I had written that song last week, and like many of them, I never quite know why they bubble up and take form.  I cannot seem to control those moments of inspiration; like the wind, they come and go as they please.  But as in times past, God always has a reason, and often it is a response to someone out there who is hurting and needs a word of hope.  This week I learned that a friend had just lost her mother - and this on the heels of losing a niece and a father several years prior.  She posted a comment on Facebook about her mother's illness and how much she will be missed. The name of the song I wrote is entitled, "God I Miss You".

As I said, I have been struggling in this wilderness season, but when I saw my friend's post, I knew it was a reminder not only that God speaks to me, but that He wants to use me to bless and encourage others.  But the key is being faithful to hear His still small voice and be willing to do the little things - even if it is very humbling.  I am a songwriter - not a singer - and recording these songs has been interesting to say the least.  This season has left me broke, so I record from home on an old laptop that someone gave me.  It's pretty embarrassing to allow people to hear my lame attempt at all of the above....the product is not pretty.  Of course I would much prefer to put myself out there after doing a professional recording with gifted singers.  But......the timing would be missed.

So all that to say, there are times when God calls us to humble ourselves and step out into unfamiliar waters with the gifts He has given us.  And though the offering may be small and "not so pretty", what is more important is that we obey the promptings of His Spirit - regardless of whether we understand.  It's the ripple effect of a small pebble in a large body of water.  We never know how these random acts of kindness can fan out to deeper waters and to the lives of people we may never meet.

I needed that reminder today.  I do not understand this season, but moments like these help me to remember that God has a purpose in everything.  And that He is faithful to fulfill the plans He has for me - even when I feel like a slug.  I may feel like that - but He sees the end result, and desires the process to be a step-by-step journey filled with these random moments of revelation when we realize that God truly cares about the little things.

Never despise small beginnings........

May 2, 2012

A Promise of His Presence

I am never quite sure what to write.  And it seems the times I actually have the greatest inspiration to do so, I am in a place where I cannot write it down. Like when I am out walking or driving. So everything gets tucked away "somewhere" and if it is even worth writing about, I hope that God will bring it back to mind.

Those inspirational moments of inspiration remind me of working a crossword puzzle where suddenly the pieces start falling into place and you catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. All these random pieces begin to fall into place and "life" - or least part of it - just seems to make more sense.  I pray for more of these moments.  And I am writing now more out of obedience because.....water won't run unless you turn the faucet on.  Even if it is somewhat muddied, I have to believe that at some point the  water, if left running, will someday become clear.

Until then, here I am in a season of transition - which feels very much like a wilderness.  I have good days and bad; times of hope and times I despair I'll ever get out of this pit.  But these are all just feelings, thank God!  Emotions are important, but they do not take precedent over the Truth and my faith.  Feelings add color to my life, but my actions need to be based on things that will last.

And these dark times do not diminish the promises of God; in fact, His light burns brighter as the storm clouds slowly grow.  My soul is in safe-keeping with the Lord as He has promised to never leave nor forsake me.  I know many people have more tangible promises, but His word to me has always been about His presence more than His hand.  When you live alone and especially when you are somewhat isolated by an illness, His presence is the only thing that matters.

At times I get overwhelmed with the cares of this life....finances, future, etc.  Those things in and of themselves don't scare me.  It's more my total inability to do anything about them.  I don't even trust myself and the times it has been under my control, the results are not pretty.  Well, actually, I could do a lot about these things, but I sense that in order to realize that God is truly in control, I need to surrender it all to Him; not just with words and heartfelt prayer, but in action.  And if these actions are not motivated by the Holy Spirit and love, then they will amount to very little.

The waiting during these seasons is the hardest part because you feel so useless and unproductive.  And it requires patience and trust. That goes against our western culture and Americanized Christianity that feeds off of busyness, self reliance, and touch-of-a-button technology.  But that is another subject altogether.  Suffice to say, we as Americans know very little about "waiting"; we are surrounded by gadgets that are all about quick answers that require little or no effort.  So waiting is not in our vocabulary.

I am waiting on God.  And His promise to me is that He will be with me and eventually, as I trust Him and believe His word, I will discover not only the hidden treasures of faith, but I will be a witness to and the benefactor of His miraculous love and power - that cannot be explained by any earthly imagination.  His intervention will be real and permanent and amazing! And until then....I will walk securely in this place, because He will never leave or forsake me. I stake my life on it.

I know that one day I will see the glory of the Lord in the land of the living.




Apr 24, 2012

GOD I MISS YOU



So full of mercy with a smile that reached your eyes
It let me know that you could see the fear inside
And how I wish you were here by my side
To whisper again,  “It’s gonna be alright”

But I’ve moved on and somehow overcome this pain
Finding peace took time and a whole lot of faith
I know one day I will see you again
Still the nights are long and I’m hanging on……

‘Cause no matter where I go
You are never very far
And down this lonely road
I carry you in my heart……

God I miss you
How I miss your face
Every memory, every dream
Speaks your name

And though this life goes on
It leaves a burning ache
I know my broken heart is slow to heal
‘Cause God I miss your face

At times I thought I could do better on my own
But chasing rainbows could not fill this empty soul
‘Cause I lost sight of the things that matters most
Like the ones I love and God above…..

‘Cause no matter where I go
You are never very far
And down this lonely road
I carry you in my heart……

God I miss you
How I miss your face
Every memory, every dream
Speaks your name

And though this life goes on
It leaves a burning ache
I know my broken heart is slow to heal
‘Cause God I miss your face

(Copyright  Karen J Stevenson 2012)