Those Homeless People

Since yesterday, I have been really troubled by something.  I woke up this morning and my thoughts kept drifting towards a black homeless guy that approached me and a friend yesterday as we chatted outside a store in Tyler.  He was showing me some kind of re-loadable card from Domino's Pizza and needed me to read it - apparently (I think) in hopes that maybe he could get some food out of the deal.

Well, I think I was so into my conversation with my friend that I had missed something very, very important.  It's almost embarrassing because we had, ironically, been discussing such profound topics...... the two homeless people who randomly showed up for church Sunday and how we wouldn't need big government if the Church was doing it's job is, blah, blah, blah.......... 

But it wasn't until the following morning (today) that it all hit me - between the eyes and deep in my heart. I was on my way to a morning  Bible study in Lindale led by Teresa Hallock (who is 90 years old) based on her book entitled He First Loved Us.  Although I was trying to prepare my heart for leading worship, for some reason, my thoughts drifted again to this homeless black man.  And as I drove, I was overwhelmed with unexpected sorrow mixed with regret.  I just could not stop crying......but I knew these were good tears. 

 I realized I had missed a major opportunity to step out in faith and maybe speak a word of hope - not from my heart, but from God's.  I have been learning this "living in the moment" thing and walking by the Spirit from Teresa, my "spiritual mom", who, to me, is the epitome of unconditional love.  But most importantly, learning to love people right where they are at - regardless of circumstances or how messy their lives are.  Believe me, mine was one heck of a mess when I first met Teresa.  

And after sitting under her for a few years, I am learning that God's love does truly heal and that I matter to Him - even when others stop caring.  And from that place of believing, rest and peace -  we are to be His conduit of love to a dying world; often the only Jesus that some people will ever encounter. But it is His presence in us, not so much what we do - that changes lives.

We enter His rest (Hebrews) when we begin to fully believe this and cease from striving and trying to prove ourselves worthy......

Interestingly,  I and another friend had the opportunity to hang out with the homeless couple (mentioned above) Sunday between services and really enjoyed getting to know them and hearing their stories - despite the fact that they looked like hell - and somewhat smelled like it. The Lord does provide - in the form of peace and His presence - which is so incredibly more powerful than anything I could say or do. They left with tears in their eyes - not just because of the food in their bellies, but because of the sweet fellowship.

 They both claimed to be believers with strong faith - I would hope so living the life they do sleeping outdoors on these cold nights.  The gal, Deborah, had shared that she almost died of heat stroke this past summer (I wonder why?) and that she had four children - all apparently living with her mom - who birthed a total of 17 children.  Her oldest sister passed away a year ago....... James was looking for work and was heading to Mobile, Alabama to take care of his ailing mother who is mentally challenged. Not sure if all of this is true....but does it matter?

 Like Mother Teresa, I am beginning to see things much differently given my own financial decline and needy state.  I knew in my heart that the lesson is/was to see Jesus in the most unlikely places - in the faces of those who by this world's standards - appear desperately hopeless.  She learned the powerful lesson of treating each person as though they were Jesus Himself......"When I was hungry - you fed me, when I was thirsty - you gave me a cup of cold water, when I was....." fill in the blank.  I'd say that the past few years have been a game changer for me.

Back to my friend and the black homeless man......I usually have cash on hand and reached into my pocket realizing I only had my credit card.  I considered going to my car, but......the fact that I didn't have cash on hand seemed like an easy "out".  How convenient.  I had this fleeting thought of running out to my car, but.....needed to finish my important life-changing conversation with my friend......

Anyways, I know it wasn't about the money, but about treating this man with dignity despite the fact that he smelled like urine and chances are he would probably blow whatever I gave him on who knows what........  The point wasn't the outcome - that's in God's hands - but on my response. But we so want to control the outcome.  We so try to figure out people's intentions and play out all the likely scenarios.....and miss God.

 I missed it big time and slowly began to feel the Lord's heart this morning gently reminding me of how vastly different is His perspective. His love never fails, never changes, and He gladly embraces the poor,the  broken, those who know their need. His love is unconditional and permamnent.  

I began to feel - not condemnation - but His sorrow over a missed opportunity. This life is not a formula or method. It's not about Christian principles - but about being Christ-like.  And hello? - We cannot do it without Him.  It is not even a "ministry opportunity" or any of those overused Christian catch phrases that make us feel "spiritual".  God's heart is in all of us regardless of our calling or giftings - so don't let that limit you.  Your inability is His ability...so insecurity will work for you....if you are open.  Get used to life being uncomfortable....it's called the Kingdom of God!

It is, however, a means to learn God's ways and most importantly - His heart (outside of Bible study).  But only if we are willing to risk and to touch the life of another human being in need.  Folks who are probably used to being ignored, made fun of and yes - even spit upon - as I learned happens frequently with the homeless.  Wow..... kinda sounds like someone else I know.....

I don't exactly know what I would have said or done differently, but I have been in this place of need and living by faith so often these days that I fully trust that God would have supplied what was "needed".  Life as I knew it spun way out of control a while back - and my economy already crashed and burned.  That makes for fertile soil for learning to live by faith. " Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...."  Thank you Kris Kristofferson for those profound words of wisdom.

Still....I missed it.  If I had just stepped out, embraced the moment, and seen the seemingly unexpected interruption for what it truly was......a divine appointment.....yes, sorry, one of those overused cliches.  

Rewind..........I reach out my hand and place it on his shoulder saying, "Hello sir, what is your name?  Do you have family? What is your story?  Did you once have dreams?  Here is some money that will hopefully help fill your belly, but I think there are some deeper needs that I cannot fill.  But I know Someone who can........"  We don't need to "fix them" - that's God's job.  But maybe a few seeds would fall on good soil.  Maybe his final thoughts and breaths would be of this simple encounter. Why like Peter, did I "get it" one day, and not the next?  I am thankful that the Lord is a kind and patient teacher, though I can still somewhat picture Him saying what he said quite often to His disciples, "Are you so dull?"

With all my heart I know, that I know, that I know that God had some personal things to say to this man.   But I'll never know what those words were nor the joy of sharing God's compassion and hope with a soul desperately hungry for real life - and people who truly care about him - and not just about his circumstances. Yet He is the God of second chances!

 You see, the simple lesson is.... the Gospel really is Good News to those who have lost everything. The fact is there are many of “those kind of people” in our wallowing economy - and the number is growing.  They are people like you and I - who never thought it could happen to them.  All have a story if we are willing to listen. 


 And they, believe it or not, are the precious gems in God's seemingly upside-down Kingdom where the weak, lame, broken, unlearned, outcasts are raised up in His love and power to become unexplainable vessels of grace.

I know......I am one of them.  These lessons are hard, uncomfortable, and even sometimes painful - but they are "good" because they cause me to grow.  And no matter what happens or what people say, or how it looks on the outside, there are things God does in our hearts that no man can take away.  Hold on to these things because there will come a time when we cannot hold on to what is around us....the Kingdom of God is within - and He has overcome. 


Psalms 103:4-5 “Who redeems your life from the pit; Who crowns you with loving-kindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things, [So that] your youth is renewed like the eagle.” 


Psalms 34:5 “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”

Divine Dismantling

Have you ever gone through those periods where you don't have much to say?  Times where your soul feels quietly withdrawn, and thoughts are few and scattered?  I think maybe I have been so busy trying to hold on and maneuver through this difficult season, that I have little energy left, much less inspiration, to be creative.  I haven't written in a while because honestly....words fail me.  But that's okay.  Unfortunately, though,  people don't always understand the quietness.  That's okay too.

I know I have always been the type who needs to somehow package everything in a way that makes sense.  But this season has not made much sense; I get the bigger picture, but the stitching has seemed random and even futile at times. I know one day it will all come together, but right now, I am taking a break from having to understand  the process. It's exhausting. And frankly, I really have no desire to figure it out. My own efforts stink - and are a waste of time.

So forgive me.  I am officially on vacation.  Leave me a voicemail - and I'll get back to you......
whenever.

Several years ago, a friend of a friend, who happens to be a pastor, prayed for me and said that he kept hearing the word "dismantling".  He believed that God was starting to take apart areas of my life, to simplify it so that I would learn to be dependant on Him......alone. 

Okay -great.  But I was kinda hoping for an extreme makeover, tear it down and rebuild in seven days. My idea of getting rid of the "old " to make room for the "new" would be to place bundles of dynamite under every corner, light it and run.  I'm not into jimmy-riggin' or remodeling, at least not where my soul is concerned.  Let's just blow it up and start over from scratch - trade in the old for a new model. Let's get it over with - let's get this show on the road!

So here I am a few years down the road, still waiting and hoping for the sudden blast that never came.  Instead, I have had to patiently watch as each area of my life is dismembered, piece by piece.  Relationships, health, job, income, self....what's next?  I am reminded of similar"word" I received over 20 years ago where I was told that demolition would happen brick by brick.  Apparently, I was born with such a "sensitive spirit"; one that is constantly tempted to harden and build some pretty tough walls - mainly to keep people, words, and things from hurting me.  These walls have been about self preservation/protection.  The moral of the story is that to totally annihilate these walls in one fell swoop would be extremely overwhelming and likely would crush the most valuable part of me....my spirit.  Not a good thing.

I would love to write more - and pray that I will.  My mom always thought I'd be a writer, and first planted those seed inside of me many, many years ago. I hope to fulfill that calling.......someday.

In the meantime, I am glad that all of these experiences, the ones that seem the most destructive in nature, are preparing the soil of my heart for the new growth.  Still, the weeds and stones must be removed, and the fallow ground plowed up before the seeds  have a chance to grow. Yes - from the inside out.  This is a time consuming process that requires much patience. Farmers know this well.  And learning to be okay with brokenness and frayed edges, and feeling pretty useless for a time.   And sometimes even feeling like a slug,  which, I've heard, is good for the soil as well.

So I remind myself daily:

It is often the crap in life which make for the best fertilizer - and the blackest soil which produces the best crop. 

Hallelujah!! 

I am the Biggest Loser

Up until a few years ago, the statement, "I am the biggest loser", had obvious negative connotations.  Your first thought might be, "Wow, this person has some really deep self esteem issues".  Or maybe you'd feel a compulsion to make them feel better and reassure them by pointing out their good qualities. Still others might cringe because perhaps secretly they feel the same way and have spent years numbing this insecurity with any number of inviting substitutes such as food, alcohol, drugs, sex, and even more insidious......  busyness and good deeds.  I say "insidious" because the better it looks on the outside, the less likely the participant will recognize its deceptiveness and danger; in scripture Jesus refered to this as "cleaning the outside of the cup while the inside is filled with corruption and all kinds of filth".

Today, using a play on words, the hit TV series The Biggest Loser is winning many faithful followers not only because it addresses the external issues of obesity, but it also, and most importantly, seeks to heal the internal root issue that led to the addictive behavior........insecurity, rejection, anger, feeling unloved, feeling unworthy....the list goes on.  And throughout the series, those who fall under the bar in terms of percentage of weight lost are then subjected to elimination; those voted off are then asked to leave the show. It's ironic and funny, but we often feel sad at the well-known parting words made by the host:  "Sorry John, you are not the biggest loser". In the end, the participant who has avoided elimination and who has had the highest percentage weight loss, wins the title of being called The Biggest Loser. Whoever came up with that title is probably a millionaire.

I love watching this show mainly because, like many things, I am drawn towards stories of redemption and restoration.  For some reason they never fail to hit that tender spot deep inside my heart that says YES!!  Maybe it is because it speaks to that place in my spirit that so wants to see and believe in the impossible.  I want to know that even in the most seemingly God-forsaken and despairing situations, there is always hope for a new life. Like the people of Japan who are slowly digging their way out of such unforseen devastation.  If not for hope, where would they be?

But this road to recovery often only exists if we are willing to walk through the process of digging ourselves out; of removing the layers of fat and debris which have slowly buried our lives.  Whether it be things we believe or things put on us in this world  (self hatred, rejection, fear, etc.) - it all adds up to the same thing:  a multitude of lies which both create and perpetuate this cycle of self destruction.  We learn to fill those lonely and painful places with food, subtances, and/or people - which, if you haven't figured out, never truly fill you up and always fail.

But God never fails, and even though The Biggest Loser is not a Christian show, I see the message of Jesus all over it.  He comes in the name of love and desires to give us His life in exchange for our own. The key is recognizing you need help - not to do better, but to be better.  All other religions and all earthly wisdom is about doing better; they are about human achievement and often seem grossly and unfairly skewed towards those who thrive on rules and discipline.  For those of you who don't fit this mold, the Good News is that your failures and inabilities are the ingredients that make for success.

What?

Jesus hung out with people who knew they had obvious problems, who knew they needed more than a rule book or a sermon on positive thinking.  In their helplessness to change, they required more than just an overhaul; they needed a completely new life based on a completely new identity.  And those who were the biggest losers according to this world's standards ended up being the biggest winners.....according to God's standards.

 Why?

Because they instinctively knew that lasting freedom came not from simply changing their behavior, but from allowing true transformation to occur - from the inside out.  They looked in the eyes of Jesus and saw not.... condemnation, but hope and love, and the chance for a new life.  He gave them an opportunity to be called sons and daughter of God - not by their good works, but simply by trusting and believing in the only One who is truly good.  They put up the white flag and said, "I surrender! I need You!"

On the show, The Biggest Loser, the process of change is intense and often taps into those places of deep insecurity and doubt.  The contestants have to learn to trust their "trainers" and commit themselves to the process no matter how difficult and painful it gets - and boy does it!  Through blood, sweat, and tears they are pushed to their limits, and surprisingly learn that they can often go way beyond these limits to places they had no idea existed within themselves.  And it is from that core place that a new identity emerges, exuding a hope, courage and freedom that would not have been discovered had they not been in such a bad state to begin with and had they seen the choice between life and death.

It is so exciting to witness the progression of faith growing as the weight and the lies (of this world) literally come off and you begin to see the person they were meant to be.  Yet had they known what it would take to get there, they probably would have run away screaming in terror. 

Maybe that's why God doesn't tell us everything.  Or maybe that's why He doesn't answer our shortsighted prayers for relief.  He knows just what it takes to remove the layers from His masterpiece - which, BTW, has your name on it. And He will do everything within His power (if we are willing) - to make us into the people He created us to be.  God does this not to make us into better people, but people whose lives are completely transformed by His love;

And His hope is that we will, in turn, reach down with His love to those who cannot see the beauty God placed deep within them; to be people who are willing to get down in the muck and mire and dig deep for the hidden treasure - the person of unquestionable worth - made worthy by the Son of God.
I want to be one of those people.  And one day, God help me, I long to hear the words:

"Karen - you are now the Biggest Loser!"

My Failures Part One: The Ugly Cycle

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,  so that no one may boast before him. 1Corinthians 1:27-29

Don't you just love that?  This is one of my most favorite passages. When God says His ways are not like ours, you can rest assured He really means it.  That is because He operates according to eternal unchanging Truths and not according to temporal changing  truths. That's what makes a relationship with God so secure because unlike human wisdom - based on performance, circumstance, and perception, God's wisdom sees everything including the motivations of the heart. We can trust that what He sees and what He says is the absolute Truth.

That gives me hope given all the lies I have bought into over the years, misperceptions that have nothing to do with the way God sees me. The saying, "Hurting people hurt" is a fair description of my life.  The rejection message since childhood has been played over and over to the point where I was buried under self hatred and self pity. And mixed in there was a deep-rooted anger born out of helplessness and fear. I didn't know how to change and was using people and things to medicate the pain and to avoid gazing into that dark abyss.  Each time this cycle played itself out I would end up feeling much like Job - wishing I had never been born. And contemplating my own demise.  Pretty scary, intense, dark times.

Although I obviously had some major internal issues, it wasn't readily apparent because as many people do, I learned to play the games and say all the right things. The Christian world can be such a great melting pot for people who like to hide and avoid the ugly stuff. We forget that salvation and redemption are a process, and if completely honest with ourselves, it is one that can get REALLY, REALLY MESSY.  And we don't like messy, or being out of control, so we learn to be someone that everyone will like.  And we learn to operate within our comfort zone becoming people pleasers - as opposed to God pleasers.

Now most folks (like me) don't do this purposely or even consciously, it is called survival, a coping mechanism which serves as a defense against being hurt....AGAIN.

But the sad thing is that we will continue to receive the same negative messages until the cycle is broken.  For me it almost seemed like a form of post traumatic stress syndrome, where all the hurt and pained got nicely shelved for another day.  I knew there were some really good things inside of me, but mixed in were some really bad stuff (fear, mistrust, anger, self pity) which always seemed to rear its ugly head when certain people got too close.  Then the pattern would kick in, the self fulfilling prophecy that always ended with me shattered in a million pieces and wondering why God hated me so much.  And I would live in that place, like a morbid cesspool of self hatred and condemnation, and vow again, never to open myself up or allow myself to be vulnerable.

 I think the only thing that has kept me going is the hope that God sees differently, beyond the ugliness of the moment and the dumpster full of dumb choices and raw pain and neediness.  He does not live in the past, but in the present and future.When I finally became severely broken with His sorrow (not just mine) and asked for forgiveness - not just for what I had done and all the ways I had wandered;  but for who I had become.....God's love and mercy became so real. This was a huge turning point in my life

It didn't happen overnight.  No, it took several years and in many ways, I am still in process. But with this firm foundation of believing His love for me, I realized that God wasn't punishing me through all of those negative and painful trials; He was drawing me to Himself so that I could learn to see through His eyes, and not my own which were filled with so many lies.  And like a coach training a favored athlete, at times the lesson seemed so harsh and painful.  But now I understand and see it as God's favor, His love, and His desire to prepare for the plans He has for me.  He can only use me if I am fully dependant on Him.....there is no other way.

There are still areas of my life, those thorns that I wish God would change or take away.  But He may not, and in the meantime, I have learned to embrace His grace which is always, always sufficient. 

Learning Love Through Failure

For years now I have had this ongoing stream of thoughts running through my head, most of which has to do with the topic of love and relationships.  I would love to say I am an expert, but the reality is, this is one area that I failed in more times than I care to admit.  In this world, success is often defined by accomplishments and by how well we learn and do things.  But as I have come to realize, God's economy has more to do with failure than success.

I heard it said that the first time you make a wrong/bad choice it is called a "mistake" - you didn't know any better; the second time you do the same thing it is considered a  "failure" - you knew better but still made a wrong choice.  The third time you make that same bad choice, it is considered to be a "character flaw".  And what is it called when you continue to make the same bad choices after that?  Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results.  I guess you could say I fall into this last category.

Yet there is hope for people like me - as least in God's eyes.  I may not have learned much, but this I know:  God is made strongest in our areas of greatest weakness and failure.  And it is in these very areas, if surrendered to Him, that He uses us in the most powerful ways to touch the lives of others.  Why?  Because these failures teach us to be dependant on His abilities - and not on our own.  And every time we wander away thinking "I get it now!" (which I do quite often),  He humbles us once again through failure. Not to condemn us, but to save us and give us a life that is far beyond our wildest dreams.

So I am not here to talk about all of my wonderful success stories in love and relationships, nor about the "10 steps to a better........" fill in the blank.  I wish I could provide a winning formula , but then it would only serve to sterilize the journey, eliminating the mystery, drama and adventure of discovering it for yourself.....through failure.  :-)

And if there is one thing that I love most about the Christian faith which sets it apart from all other world religions, it's that no matter how much you have screwed up and trashed your life and others, there is hope for the loser.  Those who know they are a failure (note it is a state of being and not just an action that needs changing) are the very people Jesus seeks to reach out to with His love and mercy;  people who are desperate for change and who know their need is great.  In Jesus words, "I came for those who know they need a doctor - not those who think they are already 'good enough'". A simple tune up will not fix the problem - only a complete overhaul, or better yet, a total exchange.

So being a "loser" can be a good thing because you know it is more than just your actions that need to change.

And the beauty of it is that the greatest of failures can be transformed into the greatest, most sought after and most needed commodity here on earth..........Love.  For God is love.  And He has called us to abide in Him and to walk in His ways (His nature).  He has freely given us this amazing gift, something we could never earn or achieve by our own merits.  Jesus provided a perfect example of God's character, and He purposely set the bar beyond our capabilities so that through failure, we would see our need for Him.  Can you see now why he had a reputation for hanging out with .....prostitutes, low-life, notorious sinners, the hurting, the sick the broken,the helpless...... losers? 

Our choice then is to give up and become hard, bitter and fearful of taking risks - or to give in, embrace His nature, and become like Him.  Seem like a no brainer.

Jesus said that "He who is forgiven much - loves much, but he who is forgiven, loves little".  Don't we all want to love much (and be loved)?  The world scorns those who screw up badly and calls them "losers".  Yet Jesus recognizes that those who own up to their many failures (desperate for change) are the very ones who are capable of loving Him and others the most.  But those who harden their hearts and in pride overlook (or justify) the gravity of their mistakes (and character flaws) not only lose out on this lesson of love, but they are destined for to repeat these mistakes again and again - further damaging themselves and thos around them.  That's insane....

By embracing my failures, weaknesses, and inabilities and turning to God's love, I can then become a vessel of healing instead of a carrier of woundedness and pain.

 I have been in that place of insanity and have learned that avoiding people is not the answer.  And so choosing love means allowing God to change me (not everyone else) so that I can finally embrace His life of love within in me - a love that never falters and never fails. And by doing this, I can become a vessel of healing instead of pain.  That's called redemption.

I hope you join me on this first of many discussions on love and relationships.  Starting off with the details of my own failures (yikes!), I hope to provide a more clear picture of who God really is - and how His love overcomes everything, restoring hope, conquering every fear, and redeeming our pasts.

Mutual Verses Self Sufficiency

I have been reading/hearing a lot lately about the fast-growing concept of "self-sufficiency".  I see it in the news (especially Fox), hear it on the airwaves, and often read about it online. What with growing concerns over the failing economy, many are turning towards a more back-to-basics lifestyle to help prepare for potentially difficult times. 

What it involves is becoming more proficient in areas like gardening, canning, and even raising poultry and cattle. The emphasis, obviously, is to wean off of depending so much on outside sources (huge industries, government, etc) and modern technology to provide what we need to live.  Anyone who has seen the video entitled "Food Inc." can vehemently testify to the shocking behind-the-scenes practices that only fuel our need to move towards a more healthy and informed approach to life.

And I totally agree and am moving in that direction myself.  The only thing I would change is the usage of the term "self-sufficiency".  Going back to God's original intention and design, I would change the name of this type of lifestyle to mutual sufficiency, which includes all of the above, but also recognizes the need for individuals/families to be interdependant;  a way of life that promotes not just individual, but mutual growth.  But if we are all doing the same thing, how then can we then learn to depend on each other in a way that makes us stronger as a whole?

I am just finishing up an amazing and highly recommended four-book (novel) series by Teri Blackstock that addresses the fallout that occurs in the wake of an EMP - or electromagnetic pulse.  Though it seems to be the material of a great science fiction novel, the fact is, it is a very real possibility in today's world. In the book, the EMP, or "Pulse" for short, is caused by a star gone haywire;  yet many experts are now saying that this kind of disaster could very easily be produced by simply shooting a nuclear bomb into the atmosphere.  And what this does is basically wipe out all that we have come to so strongly depend upon in our current lifestyles.....electricity, cars, planes, phones, computers, etc.  Everything comes to a screeching halt as families are suddenly faced with having to come up with creative ways - just to survive. " Each member has to physically pour themselves out every day - sun up to sun down.

Yet by far the most compelling and scary thing, is witnessing the very real and very human reaction to this seemingly catastrophic change.  Most of us would like to think we would "rise above" and learn to cope well without our "toys" comforts, and conveniences (afterall, that's what they are).  But the ugly truth of our true nature is often hidden until tested in drastic ways beyond out human control. Bottom line, we really don't know what is in our hearts until the rubber meets the road.  And as Jesus taught, it is not what goes into the body that makes it defiled; it is what comes out of it. 

And what came out of the hearts and lives of the characters in these books (OMG), yes- Believers included - was both horrifying and unimaginable. And you know what?  I could kinda see myself wanting to beat the crap outta some of those jerks!  People got violent over bikes, stole, and hoarded food, lynchings occured and the once peaceful neighborhood turned into a war zone. It basically became "each family for itself".  And it didn't matter if the single mom next door with three kids was starving......"ya gotta take care of your own" became the norm.  Pretty scary thought for any single person.......

Thankfully, most in this neighborhhod eventually came around and the folks they had once merely waved at in passing became closer than family.  They learned some major life-changing lessons that required depending on God and each other and also gained tools which ultimately both strengthened the family and community.  They learned it wasn't enough to become self sufficient and fend for themselves; they had to pull together as a community.  And because money was scarce (banks shutdown), they had to come up with creative ways to make and barter their goods.  They learned to become mutually sufficient.

Nowdays, most American families have grown to operate in way that is prone towards isolationism and in doing so, become a self sufficient island unto themselves. Most have pretty much all they need to maintain their homes and yards and independant lifestyles. It's the American way - right?

In recent years, Focus on the Family has been an awesome resource and plumbline for how God intended families to be - especially in the wake of our nation's moral decline resulting in many broken marriages and homes.  But the unfortunate ramification from that pendulum swing is that just perhaps, too much energy and resources are poured into the "family", with little left over for "community". As my sister once put it, "It is not about 'focus on your family' but focus on the Lord'". Somehow we got off track..... 

Hilary Clinton was not that far off in saying, "It takes a village" to raise children.  We have somehow lost that primitive yet sustaining way of life, and traded it for a fast-paced treadmill that rarely slows down and never stops.  We aren't involved enough in each other's lives to help to raise one another's children much less be dependant on one other. And because we have the option to not need each other, many are left with scars, dysfunctional fears, and a general mistrust that does not breed a healthy and life-giving dependance.  I really believe that what God had/has in mind is a form of interdependance both within and outside the family structure whereby "life" cannot be sustained apart. It is a mindset and an inclusive place where we recognize we are stronger together than apart.  It's called mutual sufficiency.

But the greatest enemy to this type of lifestyle is something we have all unwittingly bought into. We blame our lack of involement on the fact that we don't have enough "time".  I find that rather ironic given we as Americans live in the most technologically advanced nation in the world with by far the most "time-saving" devices ad forms of communication - ever.  So why is it we don't have "time"?  And why are we more distant and disconnected than ever before when at any given time, with the simple touch of a button, we can reach out -and touch someone?

And why is it when you visit certain "underdeveloped" nations, people who work from sun up to sun down - every day of the week - will drop everything to to give a warm welcome to outsiders - complete with a big meal from their meager supplies.  Why is it that people who have so much less - seem to give so much more?  Hard questions.....

God's idea of "community" was put in place so that we could truly share our lives, be involved, and connect in a deeper way - not just to feel good, but because it is "life" sustaining.  Church on Sundays, a midweek Bible study and occasional barbecue with friends does not fit this definition.  We need so much more - and yet we don't see it. We read about it  in the early church and like starving children in Africa, we don't know what we are missing; we just see the after effects of starvation in a world that is getting darker every day. Like reading tons of fitness books and never exercising, we consume Bible studies and the latest teachings thinking that will change us....but our lifestyles remain the same.

  The fact that the Apostle Paul used the analogy of the "body" to describe how Christian community should look is very telling.  If we are all members of one body, then each member has a different function that is both needed and valued, and without which, the "body" would suffer.  Paul goes on to say that even if one member were to say "I don't need you!", the rejected member would not therefore cease to be a part of the body.  The deeper message here is that we as Believers, belong to each other and will spend eternity together.  And the sooner we figure that out and learn to be mutually sufficient, the better and stronger the Body will be as together we face the coming crisis with the kind of grace that cannot help but glorify God. 

Let our failures in relationships and love lead us to that greater place of dependancy on God and each other, the way He intended us to be.

A Deep Well

I’ve been thinking a lot about a particular term Beth Moore once used to describe those who have walked through hell; the severe trials that either make or break us. While in the midst of the fire, we may not understand and in fact, we may beg and plead for God to remove the “thorn” or circumstances that are causing so much distress. But later, we realize that these very trials are what create a “deep well” from which to draw, and it was this term that really stood out to me.

I myself have questioned the ways of God and His intentions during the many times (including now) that I have had to plow through some really rough seasons; times where I felt completely helpless and alone. And every time I eventually end up on my knees asking tough questions of myself and of God, and crying out for understanding, for direction…..for comfort. And ultimately, I turned to God’s Word and dug deep. And you know what? He dug deeper still.

What does this mean?

 It simply means that God, in His love, is forging His way deep into my heart so that His thoughts, His desires, His love, and His presence is deeply rooted within my being. Maybe He is doing the same in you.....but you have not recognized it. You've only seen the pain and rejection and whatever else.  

But there is so much more, like, way, way more, if we are willing to see beyond the suffering.  You see, when we go through very difficult times and learn to trust in God's love despite conflicting messages, He then digs a “deep well” from which to draw living water to help satisy those who are walking through those barren places, who just need a hand to hold, a tangible sense of goodness and stability. We can then tap into that deep place and with something as simple as a touch or a look, convey a compassion that heals and a hope that prevails in the darkest times.

We can pull from these places where pain and heartbreak forged deep crevices in our souls. But it is not just our “shared experience” that touch and create a bond with the broken hearted; it is what fills those empty places that either smoothes them out, or leaves them jagged and rocky.

The latter happens when our hearts fill with the darkness of unresolved guilt, bitterness, and/or unforgiveness. And when you look into these eyes, you see mistrust, walls, doubt, and fear. Some even seem to say “Leave me alone, I‘ve got enough problems” or “I won’t let you hurt me”. Still some are filled with self pity, anger, rage, or even death. I remember comments made about the guy who recently shot Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford; people said, even though he was smiling, his eyes looked “dead”. When a person is battered by life and does not believe in something higher that is “good and loving” and fully in control, then they can often take things into their own hands - to the detriment of themselves and others.

Yet when we choose to trust God and believe the best even when life serves us the worst, the well is dug deeper and filled with the good things of God

 Just the other day at Wal-Mart, I was waiting in line and when I got up to the checker, I asked, “How are you doing?” She began to tear up and proceeded to tell me that she was very sad today and missed her 18 year old son who had died. She said he had been killed in a car accident in 2009 - by a drunk driver . I simply said, “I am so sorry” and even though there were several people waiting in line, she began to cry. It was like a time warp, or one of those commercials where everyone else and everything else is in freeze-frame. I do not remember what I said and I am not even sure it matters. But for a moment in time in this crazy, busy life - this woman mattered.........

 her pain mattered.

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me at various stores or public places, people spilling their guts out, the hurt, confusion, or pain in arenas that most folks would typically keep their guard up. I want to say, "I didn't do it!" and that would be a true statement. I simply asked, "How are you doing?"  I honestly did not expect them to tell me - really.

For those looking for a formula - sorry. It wasn’t just because I looked them in the eye and with a kind look on my face, asked them how they were doing.  Nor was it due to using a soft and gentle tone or some disarming voice inflection. And it certainly was not because I am such a “special” person. No, when you are a deep well, others know it; they see it in your eyes and sense it in your presence. They don’t see a shallow, bubbling brook with pretty pebbles and soft green moss. They see something that spells “safe”, a depth of compassion and “knowing” that conveys, “You are not alone”.  They might even see a reflection of themselves in the light of something greater, and a hope that there is actually meaning in this sometimes meaningless life. No, I can’t take credit for this, nor can I deny that these are truly........

“God moments”.

I do not like the trials I have had to walk through these past several years. In fact I’ve hated it at times.  In modern day venacular:  It sucks.  I am slowly “getting it” though, and trusting there is a divine purpose in suffering.

 Years ago when I rather naively asked God for His heart and wisdom and to “do whatever it takes” to make me more like Him (stupid!), then it is quite reasonable (if not obvious) that the road He would choose to put me on would be filled with the same kind of things that made Jesus who He is; a deep well from which to draw…..life, healing, comfort, peace, hope, joy, gentleness, compassion - all of those beautiful intangibles that we so value in a world that often reflects the opposite. And I am truly grateful for that and for God’s continued presence in the fire.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls

All of Your waves and breaker wash over me

Psalm 42:7

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2